I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
