Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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