so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
