Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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