Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
