Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
