If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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