Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
