if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
