with your own penis?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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