Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
