i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize