you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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