I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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