My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
This is my life. Enjoy the view
If I die, sorry about rent.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
