Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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