and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
