Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
