went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
