I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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