I wanna bring you to show and tell
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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