I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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