I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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