Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
