that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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