It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
