mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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