Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
