Whats the glycemic index on semen?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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