I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
