Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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