I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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