there's paper in my vomit.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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