Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
