Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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