then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm getting married
To pizza
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
