i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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