note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I forget how to act sober
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
