The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize