i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
