new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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