i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
