Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
