i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
