If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
