I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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