i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
