Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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