i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
