How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
