im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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