My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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