Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
