just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize