i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
