i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize