there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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