so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize