You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
someone threw a dead crab at me
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
