He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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