If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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