this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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