Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
