I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
