yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
