i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
