yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
