i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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