Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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