There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
