We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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