??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
