Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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