I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
