there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
