I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
do herpes really smell.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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