Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
