she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
