This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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