I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize