so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
